Relationship on the Ropes? How Hapkido Saved My Marriage (and How Martial Arts Can Help Yours)
The Unexpected Sensei:
How Martial Arts Became My Problem-Solving Lab
There I was, a scrawny young man facing down a giant of a classmate.
Back then, hapkido was my refuge.
I wasn’t built to brawl, but I was quick.
My instructor, a wiry man with a twinkle in his eye, drilled us on moving efficiently in all eight compass directions, not just forward and backward.
It wasn’t just about kicking and punching; it was about navigating space, about finding the gaps in an opponent’s attack.
Suddenly, size became less of a factor.
I learned to evade those lumbering punches, slipping by kicks, using my agility to my advantage.
It was a revelation.
My weakness became my strength — not through brute force, but through smart movement and problem-solving.
Fast forward thirty years. Now, I’m 58, a total newbie in the world of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ).
Here, the fighting is up close and personal, a world away from the wide-standing stances of hapkido.
The first few months were brutal.
Claustrophobic, even.
All tangled up with limbs flailing, I felt like a fly caught in a spiderweb.
But then, something clicked.
Just like in hapkido, the focus wasn’t just on strength, but on strategy.
I started picking up little tricks, escapes, and maneuvers.
The other day, for example, a much younger and stronger teammate had me in a precarious position, a rear-naked choke threatening to cut off my air supply.
Panic surged, but then I remembered a simple technique — turning my face into his bicep, essentially blocking his choke.
It worked!
The pressure eased, and I scrambled free.
The relief was exhilarating.
Here I was, in a “bad” situation, but because I’d actively sought solutions, I escaped unharmed.
It was a mini-victory, a testament to the power of learning and adapting.
And guess what?
This problem-solving approach spills over into every aspect of my life.
Martial Arts Saved My Marriage
Take my marriage, for instance.
Early on, when we hit rough patches, I’d stew in frustration, replaying arguments in my head.
But somewhere along the line, the martial arts philosophy seeped in.
I started asking myself, “What I did yesterday didn’t work. So, what can I do today that’s different?”
This shift in perspective transformed my approach.
Instead of getting stuck in a cycle of negativity, I started looking for solutions, for ways to communicate better, to find common ground.
Just like hapkido, it wasn’t about brute force, but about finding the right approach, the right “move” to navigate the situation.
Here’s the thing: martial arts isn’t just about throwing punches or learning fancy takedowns.
It’s a training ground for the mind as much as the body.
It teaches you to:
- Think on your feet (literally): In the heat of sparring, there’s no time for overthinking. You have to react quickly, assess the situation, and choose the most effective response. This translates beautifully to real-life challenges, where quick thinking and adaptability are key.
- Break down problems: Martial arts techniques are like puzzles. You have to understand the mechanics, the leverage points, the weaknesses in your opponent’s attack. This analytical approach carries over to other areas of life. You learn to break down complex problems into smaller, more manageable steps, making them feel less overwhelming.
- Develop perseverance: Mastering any martial art takes time and dedication. You’ll get knocked down, tapped out, frustrated. But you learn to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep trying. This grit and determination become valuable assets in overcoming life’s obstacles.
- Embrace calculated risk: There’s a fine line between recklessness and calculated risk in martial arts. You learn to push your comfort zone, and try new techniques, but you also learn to manage risk and avoid unnecessary danger. This translates into the confidence to take calculated risks in your career, relationships, and personal growth.
So, the next time you think of martial arts, don’t just picture flying kicks and knockouts.
Think of it as a laboratory for life.
It’s a place to hone your problem-solving skills, your adaptability, your resilience.
It’s a place where you learn to be a better thinker, a better strategist, and ultimately, a better version of yourself, on and off the mat.
After all, the most powerful martial art is the one you can use every single day.
